"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

When I first heard that song, I stopped in my tracks...I felt like someone had stolen my thoughts and feelings. My heart broke listening to what could have been my words. My friend said every one she knows can relate to this song, and I'm sure that is true... but to me it felt so personal and unique to my situation. The line "Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?" cut me to the core. That was the question that I've been asking for over a year.

I used this song many times in the last several months to release or to get angry. I also knew I needed to say "goodbye" just like in the song. It is just difficult for me to get closure when I don't get to say my peace to the person. But the reality is that may never happen, so I used my recent trip to paradise to figure out what I wanted to say. That is the place he was when he wrote me the postcard that confused me and sort of pissed me off, so it seemed like a good place to say my last goodbyes. I wrote a long letter in my journal, but the words were for me. I will never send it to him, but now I know what I would say if given the opportunity.

I learned that while it still hurts sometimes, and I am sad to lose the friendship, I have moved on. While my life isn't perfect, I have passion and purpose. I have a wonderful group of friends and a supportive family. Someday, when the timing is right, I will have love. So, with sadness, I say goodbye to my almost lover and my old best friend.

Here is what I would tell him:
"I know you never intended to hurt me. I forgive you. I wish you happiness, passion, and purpose in your life. I'm letting you, and all of the past, go. Goodbye."